Overcoming

We are told to spend time pondering and praying. When I was in the temple, going through a really hard time a week ago, I felt to come to the temple more often. But, I wanted to feel the feelings of calm and peace everyday. As I was pondering in the temple, just outside of the clothing rental in Provo, I read about the temple in the bible dictionary. "Only the home can compare to the temple in sacredness." I thought it was a great idea to bring the temple to me. So every morning since then I try to create the temple in my own home, in the early morning. The temple is quiet, peaceful, clean and orderly, but in the temple my mind is different than it is when I'm just studying at home. So, I have tried to have that same ponderous, meditative state that I do when I'm in the temple. It has made a wonderful difference to my days. Being a mom is hard. It is the most wonderful thing I have ever done, I enjoy it more than any other thing I have ever participated in or accomplished. I love being a mother. On days, and over a period of time, I found myself in a rut... a big one with no seen path out. The funny thing is, every time this happens, I have the answer all along. I really don't know how I let myself get to this point with thinking there isn't a way out. There is. Every time there is and every time it is the same path, the same way. Christ. Not some obscure, intangible way of getting to Christ, IT IS THE SCRIPTURES, PRAYER and MEDITATING. I learned that I can read the same quote, scripture, or book with experiencing nothing. If I want the spiritual depth that I ask for, I can't just ask, or read... I have to, first, prepare myself and then ask for direction. I wouldn't hear what I needed to hear, even if I read it, until I had prepared myself. I needed to spend a few days in prayer and being close to the spirit. It made the difference in getting me out of this yucky rut. THEN when I asked, I was ready to really receiver some help.

I have found that I cannot go long, more than a couple of days without feeling unhappy if I haven't studied. I get kind of down and then it just spirals quickly down from there. I learned along time ago that this blue feeling is directly related with my spiritual status, but forget so quickly. I love Helamans plea to his sons too 'remember". "And now my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that WHEN (not if) the devil shall send forth his mighty winds... yea when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." I have to remember. Maybe that is why I need a journal, maybe that is why I need constant nourishment...it is hard sometimes to remember. As President Eyring once said, "Spirituality has a short shelf life." I was given a book by my mother-in-law titled, "Mothering with Spiritual Power". I needed to hear some things in this book and I was ready to hear them. This book has in it things that I know, but things I really need to be reminded of now and again. I love it and will keep it by my side throughout mothering. It reminds me to seek my own spiritual gifts, not constantly compare myself to others. I had, for a while, been comparing my worst traits with so many others' best qualities. This did a doozy on my self worth until I came to believe I wasn't good for much of anything. My days were full of wanting to be like so many others and do SO many things, that I couldn't do anything. I completely overwhelmed myself and lost sight of any kind of path or way for me to go. Now, I am embracing the gifts my Father in Heaven has given me and trying to see how he wants me to use them. I am thankful for my husband that followed a prompting from the Spirit that got me where I needed to be to receive the help I needed. I am thankful for the temple and the love and peace I felt there and for the angels I prayed for that gave me what I needed when I needed it. Their helpful words won't be forgotten. President Benson has said, "God does love us and he watches over us, but it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."